Accomplishment

 I try to accomplish a little something every day  

  My Mom

I have done a number of surveys and tests to define my values.  The one that comes up for me loud and clear is accomplishment.  Even though I don't really want it to be one of my values.  It feels like striving without purpose.  I suppose, looking at it as a positive, it is hopeful and giving each day purpose no matter how small.  

Perhaps if I look at accomplishment as the action steps needed to follow through on other values like authenticity and connection that makes it a bit of a positive in the bigger picture. 

I know I have used accomplishment in the past as an escape mechanism.  Keeping myself so busy accomplishing random tasks that I didn't have time to think about my life.  During those times accomplishment was not a positive it was a way to hide myself, so I didn't have to address what was or was not working in my life.

I, personally, need to be very careful with accomplishment, to use it for good and not to escape real life.  Tasks are not more important than people... ever.  

As with most everything it is the intention that is the deciding factor.  If accomplishment is being used for good-aligning with other values and giving life purpose or for evil-escaping from life and hiding behind the armor of business.

Maybe, with the right intention, accomplishment is purpose-hope and grace in action.

No More Trying

 "No more trying. Just do it. Choose it. Keep loving yourself until you really feel it deep in your heart."  Crystal Starr Weaver

In the-just do it-category I would like to relate a small epiphany I had a few years ago during a trip to Sedona.  Two friends and I signed up to walk the Medicine Wheel with Crystal Starr Weaver.  I know the name would make you wonder about legitimacy, but she was a wonderfully authentic and deeply spiritual person. I found walking the Medicine Wheel with her to be one of the most profound experiences of my life.  That experience was the beginning of this journey. After a good smudging she led us to the parking lot sized Medicine Wheel, the first question was, "how much do you love yourself on a scale of one to ten?"  Yikes, I started silently crying and with tears running down my face said a four.  She said that you must love yourself as a ten. We are only capable of loving others as much as we love ourselves.  

That was an earth mover.  My children are the light of my world, and I was only loving them at a four?  That opened up a can of worms that has yet to have a lid.  When I said I would try to love myself at a ten, Crystal Staff Weaver said, "No more trying. Just do it. Choose it. Keep loving yourself until you really feel it deep in your heart."  

I am, at last, at a point where I am ready to live those words and that is where this pilgramage of Grit and Grace has begun, Do I love myself at a ten level right now?  No, but I'm up to about an 8 so I've doubled it since my epiphany moment.  That is what this pilgrimage is about, loving myself at a ten so I can love others at a ten.  

The Path of Hope

 Beautiful days do not come to you.  You must walk towards them.  Rumi

 

A pilgrimage is the travel of a pilgrim.  One of Webster's definitions of a pilgrim is one who travels to a holy site.  That feels exactly right for me.  Life is a pilgrimage.  Traveling to become my best self. feels a lot like holy work.  Don't we want to be the best souls we can be and pick up wisdom and kindness along the way?  That is what I want.  I want to learn, offer kindness and become a better person step by step.

I start by moving forward with what I have:  Gratitude and Intention. I'll find the rest as I go and change direction if I need be. 

The point of a pilgrimage is moving forward while paying attention. Not, contemplation, writing, and philosophizing but the action of putting one foot in front of the other to find out what is up ahead that can't be seen from where I am today.  That sounds a lot like hope.  That sounds a lot like Grit and Grace.

Movin on....

ABC Always Be Conscious

 If we are numb for the bad moments, we are numb for the good ones too   Brene Brown

 Always Be Conscious is one of my mantras.  

The thing about a trauma filled childhood is that to live through the tough times we develop ways to separate ourselves from the present.  I used food and fantasy to remove myself from reality because it was just too difficult for a little girl to stay present.  As a young married adult, I was so focused on building the perfect family I was two steps ahead of what I was actually doing. To numb the pain of perfection I smoked and when I quit smoking, I ate.  By numbing the present moment, we numb the good feelings and the bad. Allowing ourselves to feel our feelings in real time releases the bad feelings instead of holding them in our cells and forcing us to use the plunger of addiction to keep them forced down. The same holds true for the good moments, if we felt those feelings instead of numbing them, we would remember the good times more clearly.  Isn't that what we want? Release what doesn't serve us and hold on to the moments of Grace.

I have a few strategies I have been using to stay conscious on this journey.

1.  Breath work:  Just breathing, feeling my breaths or saying a mantra like So Hum

2.  Gratitude:  As I go through the day, I look for things to be grateful for

3.  No numbing:  On this journey I will not numb with alcohol, food or by being two steps ahead of the moment. I was going to write try not to numb but want to remain true to: No more trying.  Just do it.  Choose it.  Keep loving yourself until you really feel it deep in your heart.  

I will just do it, I choose it.