Integrity

 

Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching  C.S. Lewis

                                   

 

The older I get the more in tune I am to my actions matching my being.  

There are a certain number of social niceties that are required to get along in society.  Do I always feel like being friendly to the store clerk, maybe not but we do it to make that person's day a bit more pleasant.  Even though that nicety may not match my mood of the moment it is the grease that keeps our society running and is not a rub against my integrity.  In fact, I will go as far as saying it is a function of my values to be kind and therefore that makes it authentic even though it probably isn't in the clear definition of the word.  I believe what makes the difference is intention.  My intention is kindness therefor that makes the action authentic and keeps me living in integrity.

True integrity is matching your actions with your values.  It is often intention that hints as to your action being authentic or not. Doing the right thing-not at the expense of yourself but with the intention of expressing authentic kindness or connection.

• Intention is determining the rational behind your action
• Authenticity is assuring your intention is within your values
• Integrity is taking authentic action with intention

Cleanse

 Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water. Yet for dissolving the hard and inflexible, nothing can surpass it  Tao Te Ching

                                              

Sometimes a person just needs a fresh start with new energy.  Even when there is nothing wrong and you are just tired of plodding along the same old path. When you just have this restless feeling that something has to change, I like to start with the ancient elements: earth, fire, water and air.

Earth:  

• A shower with a good salt scrub feels cleansing for both earth and water  
• Getting outside barefoot 
• Laying on the ground, letting the earth to energize me through mother nature
• Working with crystals
• Bring fresh flowers in the house
• Garden

Fire:  

• I will write down those things I wish to release, whatever is not serving me
• Sage smudge my home and body with the intention of releasing the past and having a fresh start  
• Light a candle-drawing the warmth from the candle in cupped hands to my face.  
• Lighting a fire in the fireplace
• Lifting my face to the sun

Water:  

• Drink plain water-lots for a good flush
•  A long shower with a salt scrub
• Herbal teas
• Soups
• Soak my feet

Air:  

• Breathing in combination with meditation through mantra or just attention to the breath
• Being outside smelling the fresh air
• Essential oil diffuser or on my pillow
• Feeling the wind on my face

Mistakes

 The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything      Theodore Roosevelt

                                            

I do believe that saying is true.  To add to that.  The more you do and the more you try to do outside of your expertise or comfort the more likely you are to make a mistake.  I believe most mistakes come from rushing, not paying attention or not understanding what it is you are doing or the intention behind what you are doing.

My mom had a saying to counter act fear of making a mistake, " Do something, even if it's wrong."  That is a pretty good motto when you think about it.  In other words-Don't just stand there-take action.

The trick with mistakes is to not beat yourself up.  I think that I spent most of my twenties and thirties beating myself up for actual or perceived mistakes.  When I think about it, I get a chill.  Wasted hours, unnecessary stress, making up stories both to shame and defend myself.  So much of that came from a fragile ego and from no sense of self at all.   That was a bad time period for me and one I don't think I really got out of until I was into my forties, it peaked in my mid-thirties and gradually lessened.  I got released from that trap through a few things: about 500,000 dollars' worth of self-help books, talking with my friend who was going through much of the same, making mistakes and living through them and finally having enough hard hits that I had to and learned to release much of my ego.  If I could know then what I know now I think life could have been so much more fun and so much easier. 

Mistakes still are not easy for me.  As a recovering perfectionist they are still difficult.  I now am ego resistant and resilience strong both of which are cultivated states that grow over time.  

Bottom line: Take some risks, make some mistakes-tell your ego to take a hike and practice resilience and letting go.   Making mistakes gets easier.  Life gets easier.

Let It Be

 There will be an answer.  Let it be.  Paul McCartney

                                             

 

We need to be.  Just be.  We don’t need to be anything for anyone.  We just need to be who we are.  Sometimes that is the hardest thing to be of all.  There are so many influences on our lives.  Family, children, parents, coworkers, work, clogged drains, sour milk and dog vomit.

It is so easy to let these things define who we are.  We want to be the perfect Mom, so we snap at our children for making us look bad in public.  Are we acting out of love for our children, gently correcting their behavior or are we acting out of our own ego afraid what other people will think of us as if our children aren’t well behaved.  A coworkers off handed comment becomes a reflection on our character instead of a result of their bad day.

That mirror that we reflect other people's thoughts of us back to ourselves can be a circus mirror, full or distortions, bends and tricks of shape that fools us even though we are seeing with our own eyes.

Seeing the dog vomit as dog vomit, not the universe persecuting us for our sins.  The sour milk is sour milk not our lives gone down the tube and a sign of our inefficiency as a human being.

We can be who we are as humans of character and value and not look at the reflections of who we think we are based on what others may or may not think. 

Look inside, look the dog vomit square in the eye, grab a paper towel and think next time I won't give Benji the liver treats, not why does this always have to happen to me.  Assessment of what is- not judgement of what should have been.

Smell the milk, wrinkle your nose and pour it down the drain. Think, ok no cereal for breakfast what else is there.  Not..if only I were more organized.

Today is today… It is what is, it be what it be.  I am who I am. I am not defined by others judgement. I am a whole person.  I don’t need to work on myself.  I am perfect as I am.

In the words of those wonderful philosophers, the Beatles…Let It be…

 

Begin Again

 Every day is a new opportunity to begin again.  Every day is your birthday  Dalai Lama

 

Every day is a new start.  Every day we are given an opportunity to wake up and do things differently.  In the contrast we find significance.  In this, is a chance to be born again, move in a different direction, Every day.  A chance to do things differently.  An opportunity to choose a new attitude.  A new way of being in the world.  An opportunity...

 I believe the universal pattern was planned to allow us to exercise our choices, free will.  Each morning can be a new choice, a new life.

There are many things that prevent us from seeing that a choice exists.  Each of us has our own drapes that can obstruct our view.  Choices are always present.  They may be hidden behind the curtains of patterns, routine, money, expectation... At times there can be so many curtains they look like a wall.  It takes courage to draw them back and look for the choices behind them.

Never be afraid to make a different choice.  

 

Energy

 If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration   Nikola Tesla

                                              

 

As one who has studied energy work in the Healing Touch program.  I think of our bodies as one giant battery.  We gain, store and discharge energy according to the situation.  Energy loss and gain are very individualized.  Some gain energy from solitude while another person might gain energy from socializing.  Introverts/Extroverts.

I believe we can all agree that living things humans, plants and animals are composed of energy, that is an easy concept.  It becomes a bit more challenging to wrap our heads around solid forms of matter like rocks and earth have energy too.  Stretching our heads even further-thoughts have energy.

On this life walk I wanted to be conscious of physical, emotional and spiritual energy and see if I could corelate energy levels to the effects of varied situations.  Physical: exercise, food, sleep and water.  Emotional: solitude, socialization, isolation. Spiritual: creativity, boredom, TV, social media.

The effects of these things positive and negative are going to be positive for some and negative for others and may be both.  TV for example.  I find TV relaxing in small doses for defined time periods.  Binge watching TV for hours on end I find depressing, and it decreases my energy levels. Gardening is a wonderful energy booster for me.  It ticks so many boxes: solitude, creativity, accomplishment, exercise and beauty.

As a confirmed introvert I find I must have solitude to recharge my battery.  Generally, social situations and large crowds in particular are energetic drains for me.  The flip side of that, I have found, with the pandemic, retirement and living alone is that I need people.  I really do.  I find myself getting lonely.  Which is so odd to say as a self-professed introvert.  That said I need people in small frequencies and small doses, but I do need them-much to my surprise.  

Charges: solitude, nature, healthy food, limited TV, music, creativity, trying new things, beauty, people in small doses, meaningful conversation, learning, exercise, trying something new, drinking water, good healthy food in human amounts, petting my dog.  So many of these things are easy to do and well within my power of choice.  

Drains:  Noise, clutter, negativity, too many people or the wrong people, cocktail party meaningless chit chat, no nutrient food or too much food, making up a story about what other people are thinking of me or of some horrible event that could happen, doing the same thing over and over, phone scrolling, actual crisis such as the health of a family member.  There will always be times when drains occur but looking at this list. So many are actionable or can be limited.  Those times when I can't take action or limit my exposure, I will ask for Grace.

Flavor Vitality Enthusiasm Zest

 If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor  Eleanor Roosevelt

                                           

I want my life to have flavor, vitality, enthusiasm.  Not just the food that I eat but the life that I lead.  I don’t want to be on auto pilot.  I want to be engaged in whatever it is I am doing.  Driving, petting my dog, listening to music, washing dishes.  I don’t want to just be moving to the next task.  I want to be aware.  To feel and really be present with all my senses. 

Let me not half slumber through this day.  Let me be awake, alive and taste every moment.  All the flavors, sweet, salty bitter.  They all have their purpose.  If nothing else for contrast.  It is only with contrast that we see more clearly, we see better because of the differences not in spite of them.

Sooooo... the big question, how do I make sure my life has flavor?  I think it is to be more active for one thing.  Don't hesitate, don't always think or over think.  Get out and be physical.  Be IN my body.  Walk, go different places.  Eat at the table and pay attention to my food. Eat different food, not just the same old.  Spend more time listening to music, try different genres.  Read different books.  Talk to people and really listen.   In looking at this list the thing is to use my senses... Look, Listen, Touch, Taste, Smell...  If I do those things and spend less time in my head and not numbing myself, it will give me a richer life.  An inner life is important, but it cannot be at the expense of a full meaningful life.

One of my values is creativity and that includes curiosity.  Try some new things or at the very least do the old things differently.  I can do that. I can challenge myself.  It is through these things: presence, challenge, curiosity, engagement, movement and my senses that I will find the zest I'm looking for.