Values

 When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier    Roy Disney

                                                 

I have been writing down and thinking about my values for a few years now.  Some of them have been core, unchanging values, and some have been aspirational.

Recently I have done a number of assessments that help define values.  The top two for me were:  Growth and Accomplishment.  I understand growth-its learning and being curious and being open to new ideas.  Accomplishment is a reluctant value.  I can see that it is a value for me because it is part of my daily habit, but I really don't want it to be.  Sometimes we don't choose our values they choose us.  A value I would choose would be health.  Health would be a truly aspirational value because my daily habits are not in alignment with it.

The following have been my core values for a long time.  I used to have health but since that is aspirational have replaced it with accomplishment since that is a core value that has shown up on the assessments.

Spirit-solitude, connection with the divine, prayer, nature, meditation, gratitude

Authenticity- truth in action, intention

Connection-family, friends, community, nature

Contentment- order, organization-home and finances, security

Creativity-expressing through writing, painting, gardening, using my ingenuity

Health-comfortable in my own skin, confident

Kindness-seeing the light in others, accepting others and knowing they are doing their best

I have been working at values through the years.  Assessing, reassessing and making adjustments based on tests and my own growth of character.  I wonder if they will change as I age?

Most of the changes have been wording adjustments such as compassion to kindness.  For some reason the word kindness has more meaning to me then compassion.  Compassion feels global and kindness feels personal.  Since values are personal it feels more authentic.  

Authenticity has been a value for a long time.  I decided to stop hiding my real self.  It took me a long time to determine who my real self was... I was probably late thirties early forties before I felt like I had some grasp of who I was and from that came authenticity and the focus on my values.

Connection has gone by different words-relationship, family and friends.  It has morphed into connection because I need connection to be inclusive of not only family and friends but nature and community.  

I have not always included health in this list but as I age it has become increasingly important.  Funny how an ache or pain here and there can remind you of its importance.  I think even as some aspects of health become tenuous as I age, I want to make the best of what I have.

Safety used to be on my list but that has morphed into contentment.  I thought about what I really need to be content and that does include safety.  It includes things like paid bills, some cushion money in the bank, a reliable (not new) car, order in my home (things tidy and in their place and as beautiful as I can make it), feeling that those I love have my wellbeing at heart.  Along with some pretty simple things like a dog, coffee, flowers and plants.

Spirit has been on my list from the very beginning.  That means my connection to the Great Spirit-God and with my own spirit.  That place in the world that is greater than me yet a part of me.  That has remained a constant for me and is the rock I return to over and over again.  I think it is summed up in the title of the blog-Grit and Grace-that is what has carried me through this world.

Contentment

  If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.  Now put the foundations under them   Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Contentment is one of my values.  Contentment for me requires financial security, an orderly home and a reliable car.  I require security to feel truly comfortable.  I suppose if my faith were greater, I would not need it, but I do.  I need my bills paid. I need to have a cushion in the bank.  I also include in contentment-making my home and garden as beautiful as I can. This along with some small comforts like a soft blanket, coffee, my dog and a good book are enough to make me purr with contentment.  

In looking at this I can see that being married was a constant stressor for me, it was not in keeping with my value of contentment.  Marriage did not provide the security that I needed in this area.  We never had money, ever.  We never had money in the bank and constantly had unpaid bills.   I had given up the control of my earnings to my husband.  He told me I was bad with money, and I believed him.  In actuality I was bad with money, so he was not completely wrong.  I have learned a lot through the years.  Starting from scratch with my divorce was a BIG learning curve.  I learned to really manage my money at that time.  I think I would have before had I control over it.  Oh, well-it was my own poor decision to relinquish control. 

Live and learn is something I really do live by.  I have done very well.  To be retired at 59 is no small thing and for that I am truly grateful and content.