Values

 When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier    Roy Disney

                                                 

I have been writing down and thinking about my values for a few years now.  Some of them have been core, unchanging values, and some have been aspirational.

Recently I have done a number of assessments that help define values.  The top two for me were:  Growth and Accomplishment.  I understand growth-its learning and being curious and being open to new ideas.  Accomplishment is a reluctant value.  I can see that it is a value for me because it is part of my daily habit, but I really don't want it to be.  Sometimes we don't choose our values they choose us.  A value I would choose would be health.  Health would be a truly aspirational value because my daily habits are not in alignment with it.

The following have been my core values for a long time.  I used to have health but since that is aspirational have replaced it with accomplishment since that is a core value that has shown up on the assessments.

Spirit-solitude, connection with the divine, prayer, nature, meditation, gratitude

Authenticity- truth in action, intention

Connection-family, friends, community, nature

Contentment- order, organization-home and finances, security

Creativity-expressing through writing, painting, gardening, using my ingenuity

Health-comfortable in my own skin, confident

Kindness-seeing the light in others, accepting others and knowing they are doing their best

I have been working at values through the years.  Assessing, reassessing and making adjustments based on tests and my own growth of character.  I wonder if they will change as I age?

Most of the changes have been wording adjustments such as compassion to kindness.  For some reason the word kindness has more meaning to me then compassion.  Compassion feels global and kindness feels personal.  Since values are personal it feels more authentic.  

Authenticity has been a value for a long time.  I decided to stop hiding my real self.  It took me a long time to determine who my real self was... I was probably late thirties early forties before I felt like I had some grasp of who I was and from that came authenticity and the focus on my values.

Connection has gone by different words-relationship, family and friends.  It has morphed into connection because I need connection to be inclusive of not only family and friends but nature and community.  

I have not always included health in this list but as I age it has become increasingly important.  Funny how an ache or pain here and there can remind you of its importance.  I think even as some aspects of health become tenuous as I age, I want to make the best of what I have.

Safety used to be on my list but that has morphed into contentment.  I thought about what I really need to be content and that does include safety.  It includes things like paid bills, some cushion money in the bank, a reliable (not new) car, order in my home (things tidy and in their place and as beautiful as I can make it), feeling that those I love have my wellbeing at heart.  Along with some pretty simple things like a dog, coffee, flowers and plants.

Spirit has been on my list from the very beginning.  That means my connection to the Great Spirit-God and with my own spirit.  That place in the world that is greater than me yet a part of me.  That has remained a constant for me and is the rock I return to over and over again.  I think it is summed up in the title of the blog-Grit and Grace-that is what has carried me through this world.

Growth

 Every moment of one's existence, one is growing into more or retreating into less   Norman Mailer

I want to grow into more and I don't just mean my pants size!

As I am starting and tending seeds this week, I couldn't help but think about growth. I can't say that I have built bridges or saved starving orphans from fire in my life, but I have tried, throughout my whole personhood I have tried to grow as a human being.

I think back when I went to college.  I was completely socially awkward and inept.  I had no social skills.  I didn't have a clue who I was.  I was human Jello, molding myself into whatever I thought anyone wanted me to be. 

I don't know what stirred me to look at personal growth.  I think it started with the desire to fit in better and to learn some social skills.  I am a curious person, and that curiosity has grown as I age.  I believe my growth started by observing other people.  What they thought, how they acted and what they said and did.  A big part of my growth occurred in college. That people could be different from me without being wrong.  Suspending judgment was a big component of my growth.  Holding judgement and being willing to listen to other points of view.  I didn't grow up with that so that was my first big leap.

The second big leap came with being stressed at work.  I got into management which requires dealing with people, so I started reading books and listening to cassette tapes on how to control stress and manage people.  

Another big leap came with unhappiness in my marriage and that led me to look at myself and what role I was playing.  If I had the money, I spent on self-help books through the years I could have retired 5 years earlier.  From those books I began to look at how I grew up and how that formed me as a person.  It allowed me to look at my responses in a different way.  Was I reacting out of a childhood reflex or was I responding as a rational adult who is conscious of my ethics and values and the effect that my action has on others.

It is an evolution for sure.  Each step leading to growth of my character and values.  I know I have grown in compassion and my ability to forgive.  At this point I have moved on from self-help-did that quite some time ago-along with looking for that recipe for happiness.  Now I read books by spiritual leaders and from their ideas put thought into how I can grow as a person of character and compassion both for myself and to share with others. 

So, the question is now, what have I learned that I can translate into action that sparks joy in my life and opens me to give joy to others?  What are action steps within my values that will move me forward?

Spirit-solitude, connection with the divine, prayer, nature, meditation, gratitude

Authenticity- truth, integrity, knowing my intention, being present

Connection-family, friends, community, nature, spirit

Contentment- order, organization-home and finances, security

Creativity- growth, learning interest, adventure

Health- being comfortable in my own skin, strong, vibrant

Kindness- unconditional acceptance, seeing the light in all I meet, knowing others are doing the best they can 

My mission is to connect with Spirit so I in turn live authentically, creatively and vibrantly while offering unconditional acceptance to others.

Accomplishment

 I try to accomplish a little something every day  

  My Mom

I have done a number of surveys and tests to define my values.  The one that comes up for me loud and clear is accomplishment.  Even though I don't really want it to be one of my values.  It feels like striving without purpose.  I suppose, looking at it as a positive, it is hopeful and giving each day purpose no matter how small.  

Perhaps if I look at accomplishment as the action steps needed to follow through on other values like authenticity and connection that makes it a bit of a positive in the bigger picture. 

I know I have used accomplishment in the past as an escape mechanism.  Keeping myself so busy accomplishing random tasks that I didn't have time to think about my life.  During those times accomplishment was not a positive it was a way to hide myself, so I didn't have to address what was or was not working in my life.

I, personally, need to be very careful with accomplishment, to use it for good and not to escape real life.  Tasks are not more important than people... ever.  

As with most everything it is the intention that is the deciding factor.  If accomplishment is being used for good-aligning with other values and giving life purpose or for evil-escaping from life and hiding behind the armor of business.

Maybe, with the right intention, accomplishment is purpose-hope and grace in action.

Mission Statement

A mission statement is not something you write overnight but fundamentally, your mission statement becomes your constitution, the solid expression of your vision and values.  It becomes the criterion by which you measure everything else in your life.  Stephen Covey

 

I have been working on my values for years. They have evolved over time.  I expect both my values and mission to continue to change as I grow.  I am a deep thinker (over thinker-some would say) who examines my intentions and motivations.  As I have grown older, I have found my motivations to be purer and less ego driven then they were in my 20s.  My greatest hope is that I continue to grow and change even into old-old age...and on my death bed I am wondering and thinking how to make an authentic, vibrant exit...

At this time, my values are:

Spirit-solitude, connection with the divine, prayer, nature, meditation, gratitude

Authenticity- truth, integrity, knowing my intention, being present

Connection-family, friends, community, nature, spirit

Contentment- order, organization-home and finances, security

Creativity- growth, learning interest, adventure

Health- being comfortable in my own skin, strong, vibrant

Kindness- unconditional acceptance, seeing the light in all I meet, knowing others are doing the best they can 

My mission is to connect with Spirit so I in turn live authentically, creatively and vibrantly while offering unconditional acceptance to others.