Doorway Discomfort

  Discomfort may be a doorway; don't run from it    Joseph Dietch

I am uncomfortable.  I have a vague restless anxiety that is making me feel like I need/must do something.  I have always been a person of action.  "Do something, even if it's wrong" was a favorite quote of my mom's.  I am not completely comfortable without work.  I am not good at living in a state of discomfort.  Every cell in my body is pushing me to fix the discomfort and return to a normal state of being chronically busy.

The point I am at now is that I have tried a few jobs that really didn't work out and I've done everything in my house that needs doing.  Now what?  Now I wait.  I am in the process of doing some research about aging well.  I can't join a gym or anything else out of the house with this latest covid/flu surge and Jack so very little, so I will focus on creativity-crafts, painting and writing.  I am moving toward something, but I really don't know what yet.  I will take care of Jack and I have a feeling that will be something I look back on as a gift I was both able to give and receive.  I will see what works out for me in between taking care of Jack and my parents.  I just have to remember to fit myself in there too, I don't want to lose myself in all of this.

I have always done what was expected of me.  Now that I have an open door and no one pushing me through it I don't know what I want.  A lifetime of meeting others expectations leads to not knowing your own path.  It is time...  It is time...