If we are numb for the bad moments, we are numb for the good ones too Brene Brown
Always Be Conscious is one of my mantras.
The thing about a trauma filled childhood is that to live through the tough times we develop ways to separate ourselves from the present. I used food and fantasy to remove myself from reality because it was just too difficult for a little girl to stay present. As a young married adult, I was so focused on building the perfect family I was two steps ahead of what I was actually doing. To numb the pain of perfection I smoked and when I quit smoking, I ate. By numbing the present moment, we numb the good feelings and the bad. Allowing ourselves to feel our feelings in real time releases the bad feelings instead of holding them in our cells and forcing us to use the plunger of addiction to keep them forced down. The same holds true for the good moments, if we felt those feelings instead of numbing them, we would remember the good times more clearly. Isn't that what we want? Release what doesn't serve us and hold on to the moments of Grace.
I have a few strategies I have been using to stay conscious on this journey.
1. Breath work: Just breathing, feeling my breaths or saying a mantra like So Hum
2. Gratitude: As I go through the day, I look for things to be grateful for
3. No numbing: On this journey I will not numb with alcohol, food or by being two steps ahead of the moment. I was going to write try not to numb but want to remain true to: No more trying. Just do it. Choose it. Keep loving yourself until you really feel it deep in your heart.
I will just do it, I choose it.
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