Accomplishment

 I try to accomplish a little something every day  

  My Mom

I have done a number of surveys and tests to define my values.  The one that comes up for me loud and clear is accomplishment.  Even though I don't really want it to be one of my values.  It feels like striving without purpose.  I suppose, looking at it as a positive, it is hopeful and giving each day purpose no matter how small.  

Perhaps if I look at accomplishment as the action steps needed to follow through on other values like authenticity and connection that makes it a bit of a positive in the bigger picture. 

I know I have used accomplishment in the past as an escape mechanism.  Keeping myself so busy accomplishing random tasks that I didn't have time to think about my life.  During those times accomplishment was not a positive it was a way to hide myself, so I didn't have to address what was or was not working in my life.

I, personally, need to be very careful with accomplishment, to use it for good and not to escape real life.  Tasks are not more important than people... ever.  

As with most everything it is the intention that is the deciding factor.  If accomplishment is being used for good-aligning with other values and giving life purpose or for evil-escaping from life and hiding behind the armor of business.

Maybe, with the right intention, accomplishment is purpose-hope and grace in action.

No More Trying

 "No more trying. Just do it. Choose it. Keep loving yourself until you really feel it deep in your heart."  Crystal Starr Weaver

In the-just do it-category I would like to relate a small epiphany I had a few years ago during a trip to Sedona.  Two friends and I signed up to walk the Medicine Wheel with Crystal Starr Weaver.  I know the name would make you wonder about legitimacy, but she was a wonderfully authentic and deeply spiritual person. I found walking the Medicine Wheel with her to be one of the most profound experiences of my life.  That experience was the beginning of this journey. After a good smudging she led us to the parking lot sized Medicine Wheel, the first question was, "how much do you love yourself on a scale of one to ten?"  Yikes, I started silently crying and with tears running down my face said a four.  She said that you must love yourself as a ten. We are only capable of loving others as much as we love ourselves.  

That was an earth mover.  My children are the light of my world, and I was only loving them at a four?  That opened up a can of worms that has yet to have a lid.  When I said I would try to love myself at a ten, Crystal Staff Weaver said, "No more trying. Just do it. Choose it. Keep loving yourself until you really feel it deep in your heart."  

I am, at last, at a point where I am ready to live those words and that is where this pilgramage of Grit and Grace has begun, Do I love myself at a ten level right now?  No, but I'm up to about an 8 so I've doubled it since my epiphany moment.  That is what this pilgrimage is about, loving myself at a ten so I can love others at a ten.  

The Path of Hope

 Beautiful days do not come to you.  You must walk towards them.  Rumi

 

A pilgrimage is the travel of a pilgrim.  One of Webster's definitions of a pilgrim is one who travels to a holy site.  That feels exactly right for me.  Life is a pilgrimage.  Traveling to become my best self. feels a lot like holy work.  Don't we want to be the best souls we can be and pick up wisdom and kindness along the way?  That is what I want.  I want to learn, offer kindness and become a better person step by step.

I start by moving forward with what I have:  Gratitude and Intention. I'll find the rest as I go and change direction if I need be. 

The point of a pilgrimage is moving forward while paying attention. Not, contemplation, writing, and philosophizing but the action of putting one foot in front of the other to find out what is up ahead that can't be seen from where I am today.  That sounds a lot like hope.  That sounds a lot like Grit and Grace.

Movin on....

ABC Always Be Conscious

 If we are numb for the bad moments, we are numb for the good ones too   Brene Brown

 Always Be Conscious is one of my mantras.  

The thing about a trauma filled childhood is that to live through the tough times we develop ways to separate ourselves from the present.  I used food and fantasy to remove myself from reality because it was just too difficult for a little girl to stay present.  As a young married adult, I was so focused on building the perfect family I was two steps ahead of what I was actually doing. To numb the pain of perfection I smoked and when I quit smoking, I ate.  By numbing the present moment, we numb the good feelings and the bad. Allowing ourselves to feel our feelings in real time releases the bad feelings instead of holding them in our cells and forcing us to use the plunger of addiction to keep them forced down. The same holds true for the good moments, if we felt those feelings instead of numbing them, we would remember the good times more clearly.  Isn't that what we want? Release what doesn't serve us and hold on to the moments of Grace.

I have a few strategies I have been using to stay conscious on this journey.

1.  Breath work:  Just breathing, feeling my breaths or saying a mantra like So Hum

2.  Gratitude:  As I go through the day, I look for things to be grateful for

3.  No numbing:  On this journey I will not numb with alcohol, food or by being two steps ahead of the moment. I was going to write try not to numb but want to remain true to: No more trying.  Just do it.  Choose it.  Keep loving yourself until you really feel it deep in your heart.  

I will just do it, I choose it. 

Intention

 Our intention creates our reality    Wayne Dyer

I do believe that intention creates our reality in the sense that we need to know why we do the things that we do.  Are actions and decisions out of ego, to fit into society or what we really want? When we don't take the time to ascertain our intentions, we are at risk of following the crowd or worse... being listless, numb and stuck. 

I have not always taken the time to review my intentions during my life.  I wish I would have, perhaps I would have made better decisions and avoided some of the messiness.  Woulda Coulda Shoulda.  

I would like to try to explore intention as part of aging well. 

What is my intention in doing this blog?  First, it is just for me. I am not publishing it, but I do have the vague idea that perhaps someday I could print it out and make it into a book for my children and grandchildren and just maybe they get a little bit of wisdom out of it. My primary intention is for it to be a record of my rational for doing the things that I do.  A record of my consciousness.

I write/journal all of the time.  Journaling is a thought dump that I do to purge myself of the garbage in my head or sort out my thoughts.  I would like this blog to be a record of my presorted thoughts and intentions. To be a record of things I'm trying, paths I am willing to explore and if it works or not and if I am able to stay on the path. I want this blog to be a record of my thought process involved in making decisions, the rationale behind those decisions and affirming that the decisions are aligned with my values.  I am notorious for starting self-improvement plans and not following through.  I don't really look at this blog as self-improvement.  It's more of a way of living.  How I want to live now that I have the time to think about it and be intentional. I want to age well and by that, I mean be a person who is wise, thoughtful, positive, seeks the good, understands the bad and who lives with enthusiasm.  A non-complainer that made the best out of life, loved the good and learned from the bad.  This blog will be my record of my seeking out ways to be that person-what worked, what didn't.

If I can get very clear on my intention for my actions, why I do the things I do, I believe it will lend itself to authenticity and minimize disappointment and dissatisfaction at the same time.  Intention is clarity, clarity is meaning, meaning is purpose, purpose if a gift.

Aging Well

1.  Gratitude

2.  Intention

Interesting that neither of the above are related to physical health they are ways of thinking and being attentive that I will be able to do the rest of my life regardless of my health status.  That's a good thing. I wonder what else I will discover.

Gratitude

 The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched they must be felt with the heart      Helen Keller

Jacob the hunter

Heartfelt gratitude is the primary component of aging well.  Of all the things we bring with us through life gratitude is the most important.  To be grateful for who we are, how far we have come, what we have and our companions along the way. It is easy to say we are grateful.  Heartfelt gratitude is something different.  To feel it in our heart the gratitude needs to be recognized in the moment. To do that we must be very present and attentive.

The everyday gratitude's will sustain us throughout our lives, no matter how old we get.  We must seek them, always.

1. Jana
2. Janelle
3. Jacob
4. Jack
5. Mom
6. Dwilton
7. Linda
8. Mary
9. Brenda
10. Tammy
11. Friends
12. Daisy 
13. Home
14. Garden
15. Hydrangeas
16. Retirement
17. Flowers
18. Music
19. Sunlight on my face
20. Health
21. Ambition
22. Trees
23. Nature
24. Painting
25. Writing
26. Journaling
27. Coffee
28. Tea
29. Fresh snow
30. Rain
31. Curling up in bed with a book on Sunday afternoon
32. Books
33. A favorite reading chair
34. Walking
35. A bouquet of flowers on the counter
36. A clean house
37. Clean sheets
38. Muscles being just a little sore after working out
39. Having enough money
40. Meatloaf, squash and baked potatoes
41. Smelling freshly baked bread
42. A nice rainy day
43. Staying home when it's snowing and blowing
44. Taking a deep breath when it's really cold
45. Talking with my Mom
46. Texts from friends
47. Popcorn
48. Soft socks
49. Comfortable blue jeans
50. Hiking
51. Lake Superior
52. Worn out sheets-so soft
53. Worn out slippers
54. Organized cupboards and closets
55. Fall decorations
56. Christmas decorations
57. Making Thanksgiving dinner for my family
58. Having all my kids at home at once
59. Going out to lunch with my girls
60. Low rumbling thunder
61. A clear blue sky
62. Sunsets
63. Jake giving me a big hug
64. Rocking chairs
65. Green grass
66. Going barefoot
67. Rocking Jack
68. Soaking my feet
69. Waking up without an alarm
70. Snuggling under my down comforter
71. A warm shower
72. Warm mittens
73. Good boots
74. Being able to take a deep breath
75. A writing desk
76. Chickadees at the bird feeder
77. A thick heavy pen to write with
78. A nice book mark
79. Grapes hanging over my head in my arbor
80. The sound of a fountain
81. The taste of a homegrown fresh tomato
82. A falling leaf
83. Wind in the pines
84. Petting a dog
85. A great cup of coffee
86. Waking up slowly
87. Staying in pajamas
88. A soft bed
89. Geese Flying over head
90. Fitting into an old pair of jeans
91. A soft snow fall
92. An old mostly worn out sweatshirt
93. A pretty cup with a nice shape
94. Snuggling with my dog before we get up
95. Sun dogs
96. A full moon
97. Laughing until you cry
98. A great Netflix binge
99. Leftovers
100. Chili on a cold snowy day

Beauty

 

 Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them    Marcus Aurelius

For me beauty is not just an adjective it is a feeling generated by the senses.  We usually associate beauty with our sense of sight, yet I believe there might be more to it. The feeling of beauty might be generated by a profound nature setting like the picture of the Lutsen mountains above, but it is as much a feeling as a visual. If we look beyond sight and associate beauty with feeling, we know that it can come from every sense.  Smelling fresh cut grass in the spring-beautiful.  The softness of a fuzzy blanket-beautiful. The taste of coffee on a chilly morning-beautiful. Hearing your kid say I love you Mom-beautiful.

Beauty involves all the senses: sight, hearing, feeling, tasting, smelling.  It is the feeling generated by the senses that is the beauty.

The tricky part of beauty is that one needs to be paying attention and, in the moment, to see it. We can be so caught up in our own mental filing cabinets generating stories about the data in the filing cabinets that we don't absorb the feelings generated by our senses.

Today, I will pay attention to beauty.