Things Ive learned from my Mom

 Strong daughters come from strong mothers

Jeanene

                                          

I have learned a lot from my Mom.   

1.  Hard work solves a lot in life

2.  How to plant a garden

3.  How to care for a garden

     a.  Weeding

     b.  Pulling the dirt back from the onions

     c.  How to pollinate squash (with a dust mop)

4.  How to knit

5.  How to can produce, meat, anything

6.  How to be VERY frugal

7.  To save buttons

8.  Trying to accomplish a little something every day is a good philosophy especially as you age

9.  Think about the repercussions of your actions

10. Think about what you're going to need so you only have to make one trip

11. How to keep a clean house-keep floors vacuumed and counters clear

12. Where to look for blueberries, strawberries and raspberries

13.  How to make jelly and jam

14.  How to sew

15. How to shoot a gun

16. To work hard

17. To cherish the history of things

18.  Be curious about everything

19.   Ambition is a virtue

20.  To be independent

21.  How to butcher a chicken and a deer

22.  How to cook partridge

23.  A love of growing things

24.  A love of rearranging furniture 

25.  Changing decor for the season

26.  How to use a chainsaw

27.  Curiosity is a virtue

28.  How to bake bread

29.  How to make krumkake

30.  How to make lefse

31.  "Straighten up and fly right"

32. "You can't hold what you haven't got in your hands"  In reference to a slipped fart

33.  "Built like a brick shit house"  In reference to something or someone solidly built

34. "Thin as a rail"

35. "Doesn't know his head from his ass"

36.  "Anyone with an eyeball and an ass hole could see that"

37. " It went from hell to breakfast"

38. "Hell or highwater"

39. "Slicker then cat shit"

40. "It's not what you earn, it's what you save"

41. "Better put some elbow grease into it"  -physical work

42. "Put it to rise"  - to wait before acting

43.  "Better add it to the soup"  -it doesn't make a big difference

44.  "Better have some get up and go"   in other words ambition

45.  "Do something, even if it's wrong" -just try 

46.  In response to falling down-"I don't see any blood running"

47. "Use your head"-a common refrain urging me to think 

48."The more you cry the less you piss"

49.In response to having uninvolved parents, "Was he shit out on a fence post and hatched out in the sun"

50.  "He doesn't know if he's on foot or horseback"  someone who doesn't know what is going on

51.  "Give it some gas"  -add more power could be just lifting 

52.  "I don't have any umph"  -not feeling powerful

53.  "Rattles like shit through a tin horn"-  someone who talks without thinking or making sense

Integrity

 

Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching  C.S. Lewis

                                   

 

The older I get the more in tune I am to my actions matching my being.  

There are a certain number of social niceties that are required to get along in society.  Do I always feel like being friendly to the store clerk, maybe not but we do it to make that person's day a bit more pleasant.  Even though that nicety may not match my mood of the moment it is the grease that keeps our society running and is not a rub against my integrity.  In fact, I will go as far as saying it is a function of my values to be kind and therefore that makes it authentic even though it probably isn't in the clear definition of the word.  I believe what makes the difference is intention.  My intention is kindness therefor that makes the action authentic and keeps me living in integrity.

True integrity is matching your actions with your values.  It is often intention that hints as to your action being authentic or not. Doing the right thing-not at the expense of yourself but with the intention of expressing authentic kindness or connection.

• Intention is determining the rational behind your action
• Authenticity is assuring your intention is within your values
• Integrity is taking authentic action with intention

Cleanse

 Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water. Yet for dissolving the hard and inflexible, nothing can surpass it  Tao Te Ching

                                              

Sometimes a person just needs a fresh start with new energy.  Even when there is nothing wrong and you are just tired of plodding along the same old path. When you just have this restless feeling that something has to change, I like to start with the ancient elements: earth, fire, water and air.

Earth:  

• A shower with a good salt scrub feels cleansing for both earth and water  
• Getting outside barefoot 
• Laying on the ground, letting the earth to energize me through mother nature
• Working with crystals
• Bring fresh flowers in the house
• Garden

Fire:  

• I will write down those things I wish to release, whatever is not serving me
• Sage smudge my home and body with the intention of releasing the past and having a fresh start  
• Light a candle-drawing the warmth from the candle in cupped hands to my face.  
• Lighting a fire in the fireplace
• Lifting my face to the sun

Water:  

• Drink plain water-lots for a good flush
•  A long shower with a salt scrub
• Herbal teas
• Soups
• Soak my feet

Air:  

• Breathing in combination with meditation through mantra or just attention to the breath
• Being outside smelling the fresh air
• Essential oil diffuser or on my pillow
• Feeling the wind on my face

Mistakes

 The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything      Theodore Roosevelt

                                            

I do believe that saying is true.  To add to that.  The more you do and the more you try to do outside of your expertise or comfort the more likely you are to make a mistake.  I believe most mistakes come from rushing, not paying attention or not understanding what it is you are doing or the intention behind what you are doing.

My mom had a saying to counter act fear of making a mistake, " Do something, even if it's wrong."  That is a pretty good motto when you think about it.  In other words-Don't just stand there-take action.

The trick with mistakes is to not beat yourself up.  I think that I spent most of my twenties and thirties beating myself up for actual or perceived mistakes.  When I think about it, I get a chill.  Wasted hours, unnecessary stress, making up stories both to shame and defend myself.  So much of that came from a fragile ego and from no sense of self at all.   That was a bad time period for me and one I don't think I really got out of until I was into my forties, it peaked in my mid-thirties and gradually lessened.  I got released from that trap through a few things: about 500,000 dollars' worth of self-help books, talking with my friend who was going through much of the same, making mistakes and living through them and finally having enough hard hits that I had to and learned to release much of my ego.  If I could know then what I know now I think life could have been so much more fun and so much easier. 

Mistakes still are not easy for me.  As a recovering perfectionist they are still difficult.  I now am ego resistant and resilience strong both of which are cultivated states that grow over time.  

Bottom line: Take some risks, make some mistakes-tell your ego to take a hike and practice resilience and letting go.   Making mistakes gets easier.  Life gets easier.

Let It Be

 There will be an answer.  Let it be.  Paul McCartney

                                             

 

We need to be.  Just be.  We don’t need to be anything for anyone.  We just need to be who we are.  Sometimes that is the hardest thing to be of all.  There are so many influences on our lives.  Family, children, parents, coworkers, work, clogged drains, sour milk and dog vomit.

It is so easy to let these things define who we are.  We want to be the perfect Mom, so we snap at our children for making us look bad in public.  Are we acting out of love for our children, gently correcting their behavior or are we acting out of our own ego afraid what other people will think of us as if our children aren’t well behaved.  A coworkers off handed comment becomes a reflection on our character instead of a result of their bad day.

That mirror that we reflect other people's thoughts of us back to ourselves can be a circus mirror, full or distortions, bends and tricks of shape that fools us even though we are seeing with our own eyes.

Seeing the dog vomit as dog vomit, not the universe persecuting us for our sins.  The sour milk is sour milk not our lives gone down the tube and a sign of our inefficiency as a human being.

We can be who we are as humans of character and value and not look at the reflections of who we think we are based on what others may or may not think. 

Look inside, look the dog vomit square in the eye, grab a paper towel and think next time I won't give Benji the liver treats, not why does this always have to happen to me.  Assessment of what is- not judgement of what should have been.

Smell the milk, wrinkle your nose and pour it down the drain. Think, ok no cereal for breakfast what else is there.  Not..if only I were more organized.

Today is today… It is what is, it be what it be.  I am who I am. I am not defined by others judgement. I am a whole person.  I don’t need to work on myself.  I am perfect as I am.

In the words of those wonderful philosophers, the Beatles…Let It be…

 

Begin Again

 Every day is a new opportunity to begin again.  Every day is your birthday  Dalai Lama

 

Every day is a new start.  Every day we are given an opportunity to wake up and do things differently.  In the contrast we find significance.  In this, is a chance to be born again, move in a different direction, Every day.  A chance to do things differently.  An opportunity to choose a new attitude.  A new way of being in the world.  An opportunity...

 I believe the universal pattern was planned to allow us to exercise our choices, free will.  Each morning can be a new choice, a new life.

There are many things that prevent us from seeing that a choice exists.  Each of us has our own drapes that can obstruct our view.  Choices are always present.  They may be hidden behind the curtains of patterns, routine, money, expectation... At times there can be so many curtains they look like a wall.  It takes courage to draw them back and look for the choices behind them.

Never be afraid to make a different choice.  

 

Energy

 If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration   Nikola Tesla

                                              

 

As one who has studied energy work in the Healing Touch program.  I think of our bodies as one giant battery.  We gain, store and discharge energy according to the situation.  Energy loss and gain are very individualized.  Some gain energy from solitude while another person might gain energy from socializing.  Introverts/Extroverts.

I believe we can all agree that living things humans, plants and animals are composed of energy, that is an easy concept.  It becomes a bit more challenging to wrap our heads around solid forms of matter like rocks and earth have energy too.  Stretching our heads even further-thoughts have energy.

On this life walk I wanted to be conscious of physical, emotional and spiritual energy and see if I could corelate energy levels to the effects of varied situations.  Physical: exercise, food, sleep and water.  Emotional: solitude, socialization, isolation. Spiritual: creativity, boredom, TV, social media.

The effects of these things positive and negative are going to be positive for some and negative for others and may be both.  TV for example.  I find TV relaxing in small doses for defined time periods.  Binge watching TV for hours on end I find depressing, and it decreases my energy levels. Gardening is a wonderful energy booster for me.  It ticks so many boxes: solitude, creativity, accomplishment, exercise and beauty.

As a confirmed introvert I find I must have solitude to recharge my battery.  Generally, social situations and large crowds in particular are energetic drains for me.  The flip side of that, I have found, with the pandemic, retirement and living alone is that I need people.  I really do.  I find myself getting lonely.  Which is so odd to say as a self-professed introvert.  That said I need people in small frequencies and small doses, but I do need them-much to my surprise.  

Charges: solitude, nature, healthy food, limited TV, music, creativity, trying new things, beauty, people in small doses, meaningful conversation, learning, exercise, trying something new, drinking water, good healthy food in human amounts, petting my dog.  So many of these things are easy to do and well within my power of choice.  

Drains:  Noise, clutter, negativity, too many people or the wrong people, cocktail party meaningless chit chat, no nutrient food or too much food, making up a story about what other people are thinking of me or of some horrible event that could happen, doing the same thing over and over, phone scrolling, actual crisis such as the health of a family member.  There will always be times when drains occur but looking at this list. So many are actionable or can be limited.  Those times when I can't take action or limit my exposure, I will ask for Grace.

Flavor Vitality Enthusiasm Zest

 If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor  Eleanor Roosevelt

                                           

I want my life to have flavor, vitality, enthusiasm.  Not just the food that I eat but the life that I lead.  I don’t want to be on auto pilot.  I want to be engaged in whatever it is I am doing.  Driving, petting my dog, listening to music, washing dishes.  I don’t want to just be moving to the next task.  I want to be aware.  To feel and really be present with all my senses. 

Let me not half slumber through this day.  Let me be awake, alive and taste every moment.  All the flavors, sweet, salty bitter.  They all have their purpose.  If nothing else for contrast.  It is only with contrast that we see more clearly, we see better because of the differences not in spite of them.

Sooooo... the big question, how do I make sure my life has flavor?  I think it is to be more active for one thing.  Don't hesitate, don't always think or over think.  Get out and be physical.  Be IN my body.  Walk, go different places.  Eat at the table and pay attention to my food. Eat different food, not just the same old.  Spend more time listening to music, try different genres.  Read different books.  Talk to people and really listen.   In looking at this list the thing is to use my senses... Look, Listen, Touch, Taste, Smell...  If I do those things and spend less time in my head and not numbing myself, it will give me a richer life.  An inner life is important, but it cannot be at the expense of a full meaningful life.

One of my values is creativity and that includes curiosity.  Try some new things or at the very least do the old things differently.  I can do that. I can challenge myself.  It is through these things: presence, challenge, curiosity, engagement, movement and my senses that I will find the zest I'm looking for. 

 

Authenticity

 Maybe you are searching among the branches for what only appears in the roots  Unknown

                                                                                   

    

Any life change requires authenticity and self-questioning.  Where am I at today and what needs to change are good places to start.

Where I am today?

Positives: great family and friends, financial stability, creativity in art and writing, empty nester, free time (semi-retired).

Negatives: unhealthy weight, multiple sclerosis (although doing great), I may not be social enough according to research data, a little worried I will have enough money to retire and leave some money for my kids

What needs to change? Improve health

Overall, I feel really good about my life.  The one thing that needs to change is my weight. Weighing 230 pounds and 5 feet 9 inches puts me in the obese category. Having multiple sclerosis and being obese will not allow me to age well.

I have been an emotional eater since I was eleven years old.  I grew up in a home with violence and abuse.  Wounds that remain long after leaving an abusive childhood are fear, secrecy and shame.  Shame for having grown up in abuse and feeling defective and abnormal because of it.  Fear of being emotionally vulnerable because safety and security were not there as a child. Secrecy to preserve the family façade.  To cope with fear, shame and secrecy I ate to numb the emotions that I had no idea how to cope with.

As an adult I went out into the world with a determination to create a "normal" life. Not having experienced "normal" I attempted to design what I thought a family was, enter perfection.  Perfection subtly kept me tied to secrecy, shame and fear.  Fear I would be "found out" for not being perfect.  It's funny how we are drawn to feelings like fear and shame even though they are not what we want, they are familiar. 

Grace entered my life in the form of some hard hits to the solar plexus moving me out of perfection and shifting me toward authenticity.  The hardest hits were a 7-year period of infertility, divorce, a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, a child with depression with a serious suicide attempt and quitting a job after 30 years. I ate myself numb through all of those gut punches because that is how I had coped in the past.  Those punches, even though they took my breath away at the time, allowed release of the ego driven perfectionistic roles I had set for myself. Freedom from perfection the hard ass way. "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" became my theme song.  Having nothing left to lose-other than the weight and everything to gain I am ready to open myself to whatever Grace presents on this path. 

I've looked at the roots-time to start looking up at the branches to see the sky.

 

Values

 When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier    Roy Disney

                                                 

I have been writing down and thinking about my values for a few years now.  Some of them have been core, unchanging values, and some have been aspirational.

Recently I have done a number of assessments that help define values.  The top two for me were:  Growth and Accomplishment.  I understand growth-its learning and being curious and being open to new ideas.  Accomplishment is a reluctant value.  I can see that it is a value for me because it is part of my daily habit, but I really don't want it to be.  Sometimes we don't choose our values they choose us.  A value I would choose would be health.  Health would be a truly aspirational value because my daily habits are not in alignment with it.

The following have been my core values for a long time.  I used to have health but since that is aspirational have replaced it with accomplishment since that is a core value that has shown up on the assessments.

Spirit-solitude, connection with the divine, prayer, nature, meditation, gratitude

Authenticity- truth in action, intention

Connection-family, friends, community, nature

Contentment- order, organization-home and finances, security

Creativity-expressing through writing, painting, gardening, using my ingenuity

Health-comfortable in my own skin, confident

Kindness-seeing the light in others, accepting others and knowing they are doing their best

I have been working at values through the years.  Assessing, reassessing and making adjustments based on tests and my own growth of character.  I wonder if they will change as I age?

Most of the changes have been wording adjustments such as compassion to kindness.  For some reason the word kindness has more meaning to me then compassion.  Compassion feels global and kindness feels personal.  Since values are personal it feels more authentic.  

Authenticity has been a value for a long time.  I decided to stop hiding my real self.  It took me a long time to determine who my real self was... I was probably late thirties early forties before I felt like I had some grasp of who I was and from that came authenticity and the focus on my values.

Connection has gone by different words-relationship, family and friends.  It has morphed into connection because I need connection to be inclusive of not only family and friends but nature and community.  

I have not always included health in this list but as I age it has become increasingly important.  Funny how an ache or pain here and there can remind you of its importance.  I think even as some aspects of health become tenuous as I age, I want to make the best of what I have.

Safety used to be on my list but that has morphed into contentment.  I thought about what I really need to be content and that does include safety.  It includes things like paid bills, some cushion money in the bank, a reliable (not new) car, order in my home (things tidy and in their place and as beautiful as I can make it), feeling that those I love have my wellbeing at heart.  Along with some pretty simple things like a dog, coffee, flowers and plants.

Spirit has been on my list from the very beginning.  That means my connection to the Great Spirit-God and with my own spirit.  That place in the world that is greater than me yet a part of me.  That has remained a constant for me and is the rock I return to over and over again.  I think it is summed up in the title of the blog-Grit and Grace-that is what has carried me through this world.

Contentment

  If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.  Now put the foundations under them   Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Contentment is one of my values.  Contentment for me requires financial security, an orderly home and a reliable car.  I require security to feel truly comfortable.  I suppose if my faith were greater, I would not need it, but I do.  I need my bills paid. I need to have a cushion in the bank.  I also include in contentment-making my home and garden as beautiful as I can. This along with some small comforts like a soft blanket, coffee, my dog and a good book are enough to make me purr with contentment.  

In looking at this I can see that being married was a constant stressor for me, it was not in keeping with my value of contentment.  Marriage did not provide the security that I needed in this area.  We never had money, ever.  We never had money in the bank and constantly had unpaid bills.   I had given up the control of my earnings to my husband.  He told me I was bad with money, and I believed him.  In actuality I was bad with money, so he was not completely wrong.  I have learned a lot through the years.  Starting from scratch with my divorce was a BIG learning curve.  I learned to really manage my money at that time.  I think I would have before had I control over it.  Oh, well-it was my own poor decision to relinquish control. 

Live and learn is something I really do live by.  I have done very well.  To be retired at 59 is no small thing and for that I am truly grateful and content.

 

Walking

 Walking is a man's best medicine    Hippocrates

Most pilgrimages require walking so that seems like a good place to start.    It is easy, cheap and requires no special skills.  Walking can be educational, spiritual or relaxing depending on the mood of the day or if walking on the treadmill or outside. 

I generally don't find walking difficult although consistency is tricky.  I am also deconditioned so it does require effort.  I have had so many false starts with exercise programs that I don't want to set a time limit or step count or have any mandates for that matter. I just want to do it.  So why haven't I? I suppose the main reason is that in a way it feels like punishment for being fat.  It shouldn't be difficult, but it is because of the weight.  It requires effort significant effort because of the weight.  It feels like I really have to push my body and because of that it feels like a punishment.  I wonder if I intentionally have more positives in my life if I would feel like it is less a punishment?  Perhaps it is a mindset change?  I have to change my mindset from it being punishment to something I do for myself because I deserve to take time for myself and to be healthy.

I have been reviewing books on aging well.  Walking can:

• Burn calories to lose weight
• Give you a healthy heart
• Regulate blood pressure
• Regulate glucose level
• Lubricate joints
• Boost immune function
• Improve brain function
• Increase lung capacity
• Improve gut function
• Improve mood 
• Reduce stress

Looking at this list there is no downside.  Why am I not doing it?  I have a treadmill in the basement.  I love being outside.  I have not made it a priority.  Am I setting my sights to high?  

That could be it... What is my intention in walking:  to age well, keep a healthy brain, lose weight, get in hiking shape, to look and feel better about myself, be confident and most importantly-feel comfortable in my own skin.

I think this is a Chrystal Starr Weaver moment-"no more trying just do it..."

A Quality Live

 

Thoughts held over time greatly affect all areas of our lives.  The quality of the thoughts we think creates the quality of the lives we live.  Christiane Northrup MD

What does a quality life look like for me?  What do I need and want for a quality life?

• Safety:   I need to know that my children are well.  I need to feel secure about my finances.  Have things paid for and be able to help my children if they need it 
• Connected with Grace:  Prayer, meditation 
• Connection with family and friends:  I need to feel that my relationships are solid and in a good place with friends and family
• Order:  I need to have my finances in good order.  I need to have my home orderly and tidy
• Gratitude:  I write down what I am grateful for every day, so I remember, this improves the quality of my days and therefor my life
• Authenticity:  I need to be honest with myself and those around me, I need to feel like I am living from and offering others truth
• Intention-being very clear about why I am doing the things that I do
• Attitude-show your wisdom not your scars
• Solitude:  I need time to myself to read and think and pray.  To sort things out in my own mind. To energize
• Something to look forward to:  This can be big or small.  Just knowing something is upcoming that I want or will bring me comfort.  It can be big like a vacation or knowing that I an going to do the wash and have clean sheets on Friday
• Healthy: To feel healthy and energetic
• Nature: Be it the garden or a walk by the coulee.  To be in Nature makes me feel present and at home.  It gives me comfort
• Contributing: I need to feel that I am making someone else life better in some way
• Creativity:  Making something.  Painting, writing, crafting, learning
• Dogs:  I will always have a dog.  They add warmth to my life
• Books:  Books give me comfort, knowledge, escape...they have added to my life in so many ways
• Curiosity: Doing and trying new things.  Learning new things.  Anything from a vacation to a new food.  Doing something different.
• Confident:  To feel confident in myself and in my own skin
• Beauty:  Flowers, colors, nature
• Learning:  I have a natural curiosity and love learning new things, classes, skills, ideas

This list may be something I add to over time, but I definitely want to include these to age well and have them be part of my life path.

The Weight

 

You have been criticizing yourself for years, try approving of yourself and see what happens. Louise Hay

 

I didn't want to put anything about weight in this blog/diary/book/mirror, but it is the elephant in the room.  I don't feel authentic by not including it.  The weight has been such a big part of my life that I have to write about it.  I have to.  It would not be honest to ignore it. There is no ignoring it any longer.  It has taken on a life of its own. It is now the greatest obstacle in my life.  It hinders me socially.  I stay home and don't attend social events because I am embarrassed by my weight.  I have shamed myself.

I have been doing the last supper thing for a while now.  You know what that is?  You binge-even to the point of eating more than want because you're going to start your diet tomorrow.  Then, because it all just sucks, so, so much, you don't start your diet tomorrow and you hate yourself even more.  You hate yourself not just for being fat but for lying to yourself, again...  How can I say I am an authentic person if I lie to myself all the time?

How do I keep my promises to myself?  JUST DO IT.  The most profound words I have ever been given came from Crystal Star Weaver, a hippy dippy from Sedona who told me what I needed to hear:

"No more trying.

Just do it.

Keep loving yourself until you really feel it in your heart"

What would happen if I really lived by this?  What would happen?  I would stop lying to myself because I would be putting in the effort.  Just maybe if I stopped lying to myself, I could move to loving myself wholly, at a 10 level and in turn love others at a 10 level.   Right now, I don't feel that I can love myself at that level.  I realize that is conditional self-love and it makes me uncomfortable.  Do you really love yourself if it is conditional?  I don't think so. Even worse-am I loving others conditionally-that makes me want to vomit.  That is exactly what I don't want to do!

I ask for the Grit and Grace to change my body and my mindset.

Growth

 Every moment of one's existence, one is growing into more or retreating into less   Norman Mailer

I want to grow into more and I don't just mean my pants size!

As I am starting and tending seeds this week, I couldn't help but think about growth. I can't say that I have built bridges or saved starving orphans from fire in my life, but I have tried, throughout my whole personhood I have tried to grow as a human being.

I think back when I went to college.  I was completely socially awkward and inept.  I had no social skills.  I didn't have a clue who I was.  I was human Jello, molding myself into whatever I thought anyone wanted me to be. 

I don't know what stirred me to look at personal growth.  I think it started with the desire to fit in better and to learn some social skills.  I am a curious person, and that curiosity has grown as I age.  I believe my growth started by observing other people.  What they thought, how they acted and what they said and did.  A big part of my growth occurred in college. That people could be different from me without being wrong.  Suspending judgment was a big component of my growth.  Holding judgement and being willing to listen to other points of view.  I didn't grow up with that so that was my first big leap.

The second big leap came with being stressed at work.  I got into management which requires dealing with people, so I started reading books and listening to cassette tapes on how to control stress and manage people.  

Another big leap came with unhappiness in my marriage and that led me to look at myself and what role I was playing.  If I had the money, I spent on self-help books through the years I could have retired 5 years earlier.  From those books I began to look at how I grew up and how that formed me as a person.  It allowed me to look at my responses in a different way.  Was I reacting out of a childhood reflex or was I responding as a rational adult who is conscious of my ethics and values and the effect that my action has on others.

It is an evolution for sure.  Each step leading to growth of my character and values.  I know I have grown in compassion and my ability to forgive.  At this point I have moved on from self-help-did that quite some time ago-along with looking for that recipe for happiness.  Now I read books by spiritual leaders and from their ideas put thought into how I can grow as a person of character and compassion both for myself and to share with others. 

So, the question is now, what have I learned that I can translate into action that sparks joy in my life and opens me to give joy to others?  What are action steps within my values that will move me forward?

Spirit-solitude, connection with the divine, prayer, nature, meditation, gratitude

Authenticity- truth, integrity, knowing my intention, being present

Connection-family, friends, community, nature, spirit

Contentment- order, organization-home and finances, security

Creativity- growth, learning interest, adventure

Health- being comfortable in my own skin, strong, vibrant

Kindness- unconditional acceptance, seeing the light in all I meet, knowing others are doing the best they can 

My mission is to connect with Spirit so I in turn live authentically, creatively and vibrantly while offering unconditional acceptance to others.

Accomplishment

 I try to accomplish a little something every day  

  My Mom

I have done a number of surveys and tests to define my values.  The one that comes up for me loud and clear is accomplishment.  Even though I don't really want it to be one of my values.  It feels like striving without purpose.  I suppose, looking at it as a positive, it is hopeful and giving each day purpose no matter how small.  

Perhaps if I look at accomplishment as the action steps needed to follow through on other values like authenticity and connection that makes it a bit of a positive in the bigger picture. 

I know I have used accomplishment in the past as an escape mechanism.  Keeping myself so busy accomplishing random tasks that I didn't have time to think about my life.  During those times accomplishment was not a positive it was a way to hide myself, so I didn't have to address what was or was not working in my life.

I, personally, need to be very careful with accomplishment, to use it for good and not to escape real life.  Tasks are not more important than people... ever.  

As with most everything it is the intention that is the deciding factor.  If accomplishment is being used for good-aligning with other values and giving life purpose or for evil-escaping from life and hiding behind the armor of business.

Maybe, with the right intention, accomplishment is purpose-hope and grace in action.

No More Trying

 "No more trying. Just do it. Choose it. Keep loving yourself until you really feel it deep in your heart."  Crystal Starr Weaver

In the-just do it-category I would like to relate a small epiphany I had a few years ago during a trip to Sedona.  Two friends and I signed up to walk the Medicine Wheel with Crystal Starr Weaver.  I know the name would make you wonder about legitimacy, but she was a wonderfully authentic and deeply spiritual person. I found walking the Medicine Wheel with her to be one of the most profound experiences of my life.  That experience was the beginning of this journey. After a good smudging she led us to the parking lot sized Medicine Wheel, the first question was, "how much do you love yourself on a scale of one to ten?"  Yikes, I started silently crying and with tears running down my face said a four.  She said that you must love yourself as a ten. We are only capable of loving others as much as we love ourselves.  

That was an earth mover.  My children are the light of my world, and I was only loving them at a four?  That opened up a can of worms that has yet to have a lid.  When I said I would try to love myself at a ten, Crystal Staff Weaver said, "No more trying. Just do it. Choose it. Keep loving yourself until you really feel it deep in your heart."  

I am, at last, at a point where I am ready to live those words and that is where this pilgramage of Grit and Grace has begun, Do I love myself at a ten level right now?  No, but I'm up to about an 8 so I've doubled it since my epiphany moment.  That is what this pilgrimage is about, loving myself at a ten so I can love others at a ten.  

The Path of Hope

 Beautiful days do not come to you.  You must walk towards them.  Rumi

 

A pilgrimage is the travel of a pilgrim.  One of Webster's definitions of a pilgrim is one who travels to a holy site.  That feels exactly right for me.  Life is a pilgrimage.  Traveling to become my best self. feels a lot like holy work.  Don't we want to be the best souls we can be and pick up wisdom and kindness along the way?  That is what I want.  I want to learn, offer kindness and become a better person step by step.

I start by moving forward with what I have:  Gratitude and Intention. I'll find the rest as I go and change direction if I need be. 

The point of a pilgrimage is moving forward while paying attention. Not, contemplation, writing, and philosophizing but the action of putting one foot in front of the other to find out what is up ahead that can't be seen from where I am today.  That sounds a lot like hope.  That sounds a lot like Grit and Grace.

Movin on....

ABC Always Be Conscious

 If we are numb for the bad moments, we are numb for the good ones too   Brene Brown

 Always Be Conscious is one of my mantras.  

The thing about a trauma filled childhood is that to live through the tough times we develop ways to separate ourselves from the present.  I used food and fantasy to remove myself from reality because it was just too difficult for a little girl to stay present.  As a young married adult, I was so focused on building the perfect family I was two steps ahead of what I was actually doing. To numb the pain of perfection I smoked and when I quit smoking, I ate.  By numbing the present moment, we numb the good feelings and the bad. Allowing ourselves to feel our feelings in real time releases the bad feelings instead of holding them in our cells and forcing us to use the plunger of addiction to keep them forced down. The same holds true for the good moments, if we felt those feelings instead of numbing them, we would remember the good times more clearly.  Isn't that what we want? Release what doesn't serve us and hold on to the moments of Grace.

I have a few strategies I have been using to stay conscious on this journey.

1.  Breath work:  Just breathing, feeling my breaths or saying a mantra like So Hum

2.  Gratitude:  As I go through the day, I look for things to be grateful for

3.  No numbing:  On this journey I will not numb with alcohol, food or by being two steps ahead of the moment. I was going to write try not to numb but want to remain true to: No more trying.  Just do it.  Choose it.  Keep loving yourself until you really feel it deep in your heart.  

I will just do it, I choose it. 

Intention

 Our intention creates our reality    Wayne Dyer

I do believe that intention creates our reality in the sense that we need to know why we do the things that we do.  Are actions and decisions out of ego, to fit into society or what we really want? When we don't take the time to ascertain our intentions, we are at risk of following the crowd or worse... being listless, numb and stuck. 

I have not always taken the time to review my intentions during my life.  I wish I would have, perhaps I would have made better decisions and avoided some of the messiness.  Woulda Coulda Shoulda.  

I would like to try to explore intention as part of aging well. 

What is my intention in doing this blog?  First, it is just for me. I am not publishing it, but I do have the vague idea that perhaps someday I could print it out and make it into a book for my children and grandchildren and just maybe they get a little bit of wisdom out of it. My primary intention is for it to be a record of my rational for doing the things that I do.  A record of my consciousness.

I write/journal all of the time.  Journaling is a thought dump that I do to purge myself of the garbage in my head or sort out my thoughts.  I would like this blog to be a record of my presorted thoughts and intentions. To be a record of things I'm trying, paths I am willing to explore and if it works or not and if I am able to stay on the path. I want this blog to be a record of my thought process involved in making decisions, the rationale behind those decisions and affirming that the decisions are aligned with my values.  I am notorious for starting self-improvement plans and not following through.  I don't really look at this blog as self-improvement.  It's more of a way of living.  How I want to live now that I have the time to think about it and be intentional. I want to age well and by that, I mean be a person who is wise, thoughtful, positive, seeks the good, understands the bad and who lives with enthusiasm.  A non-complainer that made the best out of life, loved the good and learned from the bad.  This blog will be my record of my seeking out ways to be that person-what worked, what didn't.

If I can get very clear on my intention for my actions, why I do the things I do, I believe it will lend itself to authenticity and minimize disappointment and dissatisfaction at the same time.  Intention is clarity, clarity is meaning, meaning is purpose, purpose if a gift.

Aging Well

1.  Gratitude

2.  Intention

Interesting that neither of the above are related to physical health they are ways of thinking and being attentive that I will be able to do the rest of my life regardless of my health status.  That's a good thing. I wonder what else I will discover.